Sausage in a Bow Tie

 Ahhh blog I have missed theeeeeeee! Please don't be mad at me. I love you with all my heart, but not so much that I'd travel back up to Dagenham to pick up my handy wire. Maybe in a few years Mr Blog, when we've spent more time together and you've made love to me like a real blog should.

So here I am, back for the day in Dagenham Heathway having a heatwave, unfortunately not a tropical heatwave Marilyn; more like a polluted pooey air smelling makeup-melting-off-my-face-and-now-I-look-like Donatella-Versace-and-my-bum-crack-is-sweating-too-now-ffs heatwave. As a very pale ginger human I tend to sunbathe, or rather hide, under a parasol (which I always confuse with propeller, which is really embarrassing so i have no idea why I am telling you..?) so you can imagine how much I hate good old Mr Sunshine. When it comes to fashion I'm no happier! As I always say to people I much prefer the cold because you can add layers but when it comes to the heat there is only one solution.. taking your clothes off! And although I could just let my boobies swing in the breeze that, for me, is NOT enough (and a little too 70's) and the only option after that is..... erm.... ripping your skin off. Or if you prefer slicing, peeling, melting, nibbling, chewing, licking, scratching or tenderly caressing for a few decades till it finally fades away.......

No? Me neither. Think I'll keep my nips in the shade too, I seriously don't want lobster lady bits.. ouchie :(

Look at my sausage. No, seriously, look at it below. How amazing is that? I want to buy the bloomin' thing just because it's got a bow tie on it and I don't even like sausages! Just imagine if sausages were made with little bow ties on them, think about how much respect they would get! We wouldn't be plopping them onto our disposable BBQ's and burning the life out of the poor sods. We would be cuddling them in bed and serving them croissants for breakfast. Bow ties for all sausages I say! I used to collect bow ties. Then I reached about four bow ties, got a bit poor (student style) and then gave up on the bow ties. So therefore I didn't really collect bow ties. Bow ties. Bow. Ties. Ow Ies. W Es. S...

Damn advertisement! Now we're going to have an epidemic of fashionistas all over the UK buying bundles of sausages. Maybe an opportunity for Gaga to pop out a 'wiener dress'? This time please cook it girl; no one wants to see your raw meat.

'Born From One Man's Passion' for succulent sausages eh? You cheeky beggar! You sound like a bundle of fun! Let us always be friends in our passion for 'sausages' and our love of sausage equality! 

 I've got to be honest these two other pictures are pretty random but they're food so they go in the sausage section. Although, to be fair slush puppies are kind of vintage and this nectarine was already going mouldy when I took this picture. I couldn't resist letting you know that I have the coolest fruit in town and that Slush Puppie sells the most heavenly ice lollies (with plastic lolly sticks which are paradise for someone with a fear of wooden ones. Yup, that'd be me...) since Zapps! Does anyone know where  Zapps went off to by the way? I feel betrayed! Sweet beautiful colourful wonderfulness of summer! Come back damn you!

Talking of colourful wonderfulness, take a gander at these amazing trainers my hubby bought me! I have wanted retro trainers for waaaaaay too long and finally my dream has come true. Yay! Time to get me something slouchy to go with these babies. (£30 JD)

When I thought my day couldn't get any better....



The shop staff thought I was from head office. They then realised I'm a space being.



Oh yes people! Kayleigh went charity shopping down Dagenham Heathway and boy is she one happy customer! Please move your eyes to the AMAZING £1 Sense charity shop; the equivalent of pink custard and pink cake in primary school AKA pure bliss! I can't express how brilliant this shop is; these days it costs you a quid to buy water (something that comes naturally from the earth dammit!!) so to buy any item of clothing for that price is super duper. Apparently it is where the uglies come to die; on the contrary my friends! I spent £12 in this shop! That's 12 items!! (12/1=12. I'm a clever girl :D) This place could become seriously dangerous for anyone looking for anything but for lil' ol' me it is okey dokey as I mainly want vintage.

 



Since I have magical vintage finding powers passed down to me by my grandfather Dumbledore and grandmother Angela Lansbury I ended up finding so many swell pieces that I ran out of dribble and am now dehydrated. Check out the cute white rope top and high waisted trousers (and the scary face). That's an outfit for £2! And that dress, oh that dress! I love it so much I could eat it, but I wont because I ate too many sausages. Made so perfectly for my size 8 frame and mi madre thinks it's made of silk and since I'm currently crap with fabrics I'm happy to roll with that! £1 people! One sexy little pound!

La piece de resistance! No silly, not sausages... These are beautiful Lilley + Skinner shoes with the most unique heel I have seen in the flesh (or leather?). Little gold elephants with their trunks up for good luck! Once again peeps ONE POUND! Unfortunately they are a size 3 and I am size 5; the most sadtimes since the zip on my checkered dress burst in Hyde park = hot mess day-walker. I did consider cutting off my big toes and then stitching them back on for these shoes but I don't think I have a needle strong enough. There was no way I was going to let anyone else have these little diamonds! Onto eBay they go, fare thee well.. :( 

I bow down to this shirt! Best buy of the day simply because of its sheer beauty (literally) and its pure 80's squiggles! If I ever become a tramp this shirt shall be my Mother Teresa one item of clothing. (£4.45 Barnardo's)

Bee Bee Kew Time!!!

Yay! BBQ! This is the day when it was so hot my face melted off of my face. Yes I did say that. Face off face. I glued it back on in time for the disrespected sausages which I honestly didn't eat due to my support of the sausage community, not just because they looked like poop. Above I am wearing a Betty Boop top from eBay (£3.50) and shorts from Sense (guess how much).

 I bought these amazing sandals on eBay for around £7.00 but lost the left pair of glasses in the crowd at Radio 1's Big Weekend in Bangor :( ... if you happen to find them and they fit your face you have a very tiny head and probably need some form of surgery. Or you are a very groovy festival loving newborn.. well done! 

 

 Please ignore my moody face in the reflection, urgh! These glasses were £1.50 from Primark. If I spend any more than that on sunglasses I will regret it as my bootaaay will find a way to destroy them.

More cocktails in the house of fun! Nothing better to wash down the overly confident flies and muffle the sounds of the most annoying and screechy children on earth that happen to live two doors down.

Shame on me... On Monday I did a paparazzi shot! (I couldn't help it! They were following me since my rise to fame with this blog. The curse of celebrity! Hehe) As you all guessed, a loved one took this pic. Trust me I wouldn't be smiling if it wasn't and the lens would be blurry with the angry saliva of Kayleigh. Somehow the boyf is getting good at taking pics, not Blue Peter badge standard just yet, but still improved! Here I am wearing a H&M dress which was a bargain at £8, a £1 fruit scarf from Chrisp St market and a broach from Sue Ryder Charity shop which somehow cost me £2.50 despite it clearly being taken off a birthday card. Bargain FAIL.





Hola! Tis me 11 hours ago feeling like a haggard but fabulously vintage old witch thanks to the exhausting day before. The top and skirt are from charity shops in Bangor North Wales (£3.75 & £3.45) and the shoes, which are my most comfortable and loyal, were bought at St Cyr Vintage (bartered down from £30 to £25)

My breath smells of stale insides and my permanently damaged coccyx is attempting to make me weep, so I shall say tar tar till  tomorrow (hopefully), unless I leave my wire in the land of Dagenham, or worse, drop it in Barking... eeeeek!

(PS. No offence to Barking residents, but... I mean... come on....)

-x-